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I donapos;t care how confident a person may seem, at some point in their life, they have felt the sudden drop in their stomachs, the crease across the forehead and the nervous shift that comes with being insecure.

Iapos;m not one of those people who believes in the�phrase "sticks and stones". The things that people say or donapos;t say, can really make a person doubt themselves.�Iapos;m not even talking about the intentional remarks, cause�those are the least of my worries, but Iapos;m talking about the ones that are said by people who lack the tact to not say them. Unintentionally someone will let slip something that really makes�us feel insecure�or doubtful about ourselves, even if it wasnapos;t directed at us.�Which makes me wonder, what have I�said or done unintentionally to others?�Then all these�flashbacks start to run through my head�and I suddenly wish that�I had stopped�myself and�rephrased my words.�

Iapos;m not�suggesting everyone be super sensitive to�one another and�stop telling the truth, because they donapos;t wanna offend each other, but Iapos;m saying�just be concious of what you say, donapos;t say�and what you do and donapos;t do.�

Thereapos;s a difference between what�people say and what they�mean to say. People hardly say what they mean these days, which is�fine, cause�no oneapos;s asking for an explanation behind every word ever said.�Well, at least Iapos;m not. But�that doesnapos;t mean people�arenapos;t curious. I could sit around all day and debate whether or not people mean what they say, but that would be stupid, because who really cares anyway?

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....Horrible.
Well, anthony didnapos;t play RO with me, but he did called me .
Around 9:20 something?�When hes suppose to @ 10
Hehe.
Its all good though
...But i kind of regret for ruin my last night-call with him tonight. Not last-last. But last for now until he wants to call me again.
But anyways...he left at 9:50 something. I guess i did get butthurt a bit. Im so stupid. I should stop getting butthurt.

But anyways... I went to sleep and had a horrible dream................
I wish...if thereapos;s god.....iapos;d beg for him to return me back in time...and .. Iono.. I was so hard-headed. I shouldnt of hide of my feelings. I shouldve told anthony that i believe him when he told me he still love after the whole "picture fiasco " ... Iapos;m so dumb. But, hmm. Maybe...that happened for a reason... Maybe... "god" or "fate" w/e the shit u wanna call it wants me to start a new bond w/ Anthony as 100 of myself instead of 90. Hahaha. Gonna take time hell though But all worth it right? BUT YEAHHHH
Maybe goin through this will make me a better , stronger and more loving girlfriend, yeah?

To reach the rainbow; you got to go through the rain

WHOOO THIS AINT NO RAIN. ITS A FUCKIN STORM.
Haha. Iapos;m gay.
Time to do the background



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Iapos;m so excited about Atobe-samaapos;s party tonight Iapos;m just about to go down. I hope I look presentable enough for the occasion.

And Hanamura-sama, I had a very pleasant day with you the other day Ha Stupid Shinjou...

In other news, Halloween is coming up soon, and Iapos;m excited I hope we get to dress up again and have a big party Weapos;d be so lucky, to have two parties in one month, wouldnapos;t we?
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�

Your Hair Should Be Red

You are a passionate person... Both in love and in life. You have many causes that are important to you. You can be very intense. You are very fiery. You speak up, and you donapos;t mince words. You also have a very flamboyant personality. You love to show off. You are both eccentric and expressive. You like to share your unique point of view. You can become quite impassioned. So impassioned that you can seem a little overbearing.

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So, today it rained, a lot. I decided it would not interfere with my daily walking schedule, so I walked in the rain (my shoes got soaked, which was unfortunate)

As Iapos;m walking along the part of Forbes that is actually a bridge over the rail tracks, this girl walks towards me from the opposite direction. When I can properly see her, my eyes are captured by her umbrella. Itapos;s bubblegum pink, and states with bold black letters:

"Merde, il pleut".

By the time we make eye contact I laugh hysterically and so does she. I keep laughing past Starbucks and past the museum. My own umbrella (khaki green with no messages in any language) gets backwards, but Iapos;m still laughing.

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So Iapos;ve just about got the Weight Watchers plan ingrained in my head, which means I have been going a few days without actually journaling everything.

And unsurprisingly, backsliding a little.

On WW a cupcake OR a bit of ice cream OR chicken with really-not-fat-free stuffing is fine. I have a lot of points to work with, so with reasonable portions at meals, I can usually have a treat every day.

But itapos;s OR, not AND -- you know?

So apparently I need to keep journaling, even though it feels like a chore -- it keeps me honest. Unless someone has a better idea?

If you have it to spare, a little moral support would be most welcome. Itapos;s been a hard week, I have PMS, and I want chocolate liek woah.

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Well filled out then deposited my mail in balled for the Federal Election on Tuesday. I now feel like a real American. The only thing I will saw is that I of course did not vote for Palin and friends. Voted on mabye 3/4 of the amendments as some of them I just couldnapos;t care less about or still after reviewing them I had no opinon either way, like those union ones. Just couldnapos;t really understand them. The others were no brainers for me in which way to vote, but all in all I now feel official that I voted for the first time I legally could. Yay me.

In other news I want to vote for me to get the hell out of here. Iapos;m sick of this place right now...
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Matthew and I went to the mall last night because the boy needs jeans.
His knees keep busting through his pants. Being a girl and growing up
With a bunch of girls, I don't understand how this happens. One minute
The pants are fine, the next minute...there's a knee coming through.
But this is not the point of my post.

As we were leaving the
Mall and circling the mall property, there was a huge glow that lit up
The sky, pointing straight to heaven. There was lots of excitement and
Movement around the area. I thought maybe Jesus had come back. But no,
It was the next best thing....Barnes and Noble had finally opened up at
The mall.

I suddenly realized how URGENT it was that I go inside
IMMEDIATELY and get a book that Allison needed. As Matthew and I
Entered the store and were greeted by people welcoming us to the
'preview party', I thought I heard a choir of angels singing. But
Actually it was a couple of guys on acoustic guitars, playing Nirvana's
About a Girl. Clifford the Big
Red Dog and Hurbee the Clown were in the children's area. Workers were
Offering me fresh baked chocolate chunk cookies. Story time for kids.
Books galore. People everywhere. The smell of coffee. More books. More
Music. Somebody please lock me inside this place for a night

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So im trying to write my essay for grendel due friday since i dont have any other day to do it.
so im going to discuss the concept of nihilism in the novel. Nihilism is the belief in nothing.
dumb right? yeah as dumb as that book. Lol i found it pretty pointless but thats just me.�i couldve wasted time reading something more contributing to me. Lol
sooooo i guess i have to call someone cuz i forgot the layout of the essay. Lol

i guess to start i could begin with defining the term and going into an intro about why grendel conveys the idea throughout the novel. Generalities only of course.
ummm then in two paragraphs or so�i could develop on this statement by giving page numbers and quotes in the book. Like whne he makes fun of the word nihilism. Ironic right? yeah. Lol

and then i have to do the midchap quiz for precal even tho i still dont understand the triangles in hexagons and stuff lol circumscribed??? x]

and this reminds me of what happened at work yesterday omg. Brandon started tickling me and�i thought he was just w/e tickling but like while tickling he wud like feel me up dude not cool. I just like moved away like ummm waaaat. Lol
it was weird. Xp
i hate homegoods i rlly hope in a few weeks ill be outta there.

mariella

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